How to find your friends. People without friends, how do you live? What is friendship

If you take your focus off your family and career and suddenly realize that you no longer have friends, it's okay - many adults go through this. Why is this happening, and is it possible to feel the warmth of true friendship again?

When was the last time you made a new friend? Not just a new acquaintance at work with whom you can chat or exchange jokes, but someone really close - the person you would call in the most difficult situation. If you're in your 30s, you've probably noticed that it's getting harder and harder to make these kind of friends. Why is this happening and what can be done about it?

Suspects: work, family, "so little time"

We all know the obvious reasons why friendships take a backseat with age. We work 40 hours a week, we have a family and children, we are trying to climb the career ladder, and there is simply no time left for everything else.

One study by the Families Work Institute found that most women aged 25 to 54 have less than 90 minutes of free time a day, and 29% of women have less than 45 minutes a day. It's not enough to even watch an episode of Game of Thrones, let alone make new friends.

I don’t think that for men these indicators are very different, given the desire to earn as much as possible and family responsibilities.

In the popular New York Times, Alex Williams recounted this midlife friend crisis:

When a person reaches the middle of life, his youthful impulses to explore everything in a row, when life is presented as an empty map to be opened, irrevocably go away. Priorities change and people often become picky about their friends.

No matter how many friends you have, the feeling of fatalism still catches up and starts to scare. The period in which you make best friends, that teenage time and early 20s, has passed. Now the time has come for “friends in a situation” or just good acquaintances.

When people grow up, it is as if an invisible barrier appears between them. They get to know each other, they have fun talking, but they will not meet often and spend time together, as they used to.

In a study by Laura L. Carstensen, professor of psychology at the Stanford Center in California, people tend to make fewer and fewer friendships as they age, even as they get closer to the friends they already have.

She suggested that this is due to the fact that a person's natural clock reacts to significant events in life, such as the date of 30 years. They remind you that life is shrinking and it's time to stop exploring and turn to what is here and now.

Friends are no longer needed for survival

Another reason we find it difficult to make friends later in life is the fact that it is no longer necessary. During childhood and adolescence, friendship is an important part of our social and personal development. We need friends to understand who we really are, how to solve social problems.

Of course, no one thinks about this when they make friends at school. We are not particularly picky, and we start to be friends just like that (You sit at the same desk with me and also hate the teacher? Best friends!).

When personality is formed, we need something more to become friends, and circumstances alone are no longer enough to form a friendship. You can have the same problems and views with a person, you will share them, and then forever disperse and will only say hello politely. So this is an irreversible process?

What can be done about it

It would seem, well, okay, why do I need new friends, if there are old ones? But if a person after a young age suddenly moves to another city under the influence of circumstances, or loses his old friends, what then?

Everyone is so busy and we don't have the three important things that psychologists have recognized as essential to close friendships: intimacy, repeated, unplanned interactions, and trust.

And what does it mean? If you're in your 30s, can't you make real friends anymore? Not at all.

Let’s say you moved to a new city and you don’t know anyone there, or your old friends now seem so impudent to you that you even wonder how you have been communicating with them for the last 10 years. In any case, at this age, with all your beliefs, you should take the search for friends as an exciting quest.

And of course, for this you need to leave the house and communicate with people with similar interests.

Here are some examples:

look for thematic meetings in your city - find a community on a social network dedicated to your interests and go to such a meeting;

enroll in some interest courses: dancing, master classes in decorating art, even martial arts - it's never too late to start something new;

get a dog. People with dogs just can't help but walk together, they constantly "get together" (if the dogs do not conflict) and walk at the same time;

you can travel, pick up a new hobby, sign up as a volunteer somewhere and show all kinds of social activity.

Simply put, go where the people are. Friendship is something ephemeral, but at the same time, valuable. You will not be able to manage friendship, as, for example, climbing the career ladder, because there is either warmth between people or it is not.

The main thing is to want and communicate with different people. You will most likely find a friend when you least expect it.

There are also advantages

As hard as it is to make friends as adults, it's worth the effort. Your adult friendship will have many advantages over the one that starts from childhood:

your relationship will be tied to common interests, which, perhaps, did not exist when you were in school or at the university;

you are not required to make friends of your age and even from your city (given that you will communicate via the Internet);

your friendship will be more relaxed, without outside pressure, because every adult knows that everyone has things to do, and will not be offended if they can’t meet;

you will begin to appreciate meeting friends, as opposed to the usual gatherings that you hosted before.

When you know yourself and become a complete person, friendships can be deeper than those left from your school years. Even if it won't be easy. And like any good relationship, over time it will get deeper and stronger.

If you feel lonely and would like to make new friends, know that you are not the only one who wants this.

Many people hope to make new friends just like you, they just don't know where to start.

Here is a list of 29 different, super easy ways to make new friends.

We hope you can pick up some new ideas and never feel lonely again.

1. Volunteer somewhere. Volunteering will allow you to join a new community of people and connect with other people who have similar interests.

2. Take any courses (art, cooking, foreign language, etc.)- Again, you will have the opportunity to meet and interact with new people with similar interests.

4. Rekindle an old friendship- if you think carefully, then there are probably many people whom you know and who were good friends to you before, with whom you would not mind reconnecting.

5. Join a sports team- being part of a sports team gives you automatic access to a whole new community of people, plus it's a great way to have fun with others.

6. Go to church- many modern churches are full of young and old people. Many of them are very friendly. There are many different social events and people are united by a great sense of community.

7. Walk the dog– whether you believe it or not, you can meet a lot of people walking your dog!

8. Invite your neighbor to a barbecue- and even better than many neighbors! Why not take advantage of the fact that you have neighbors and communicate with them.

9. Take a work colleague out for a drink or a movie Your workplace is a great place to make new friends. Since you've already met your work colleagues, it's probably easier to strike up a conversation and connect with them than trying to befriend a complete stranger.

10. Take the initiative to hang out with someone you would like to see more often. Is there anyone who catches your eye from time to time? Or maybe you only see them in a group of people? Take courage and ask if they would like to go somewhere one on one with you.

11. Do your best to attend events and hangouts– You may be afraid to meet new people or you just can’t tune in to it. But remember that the more you surround yourself with new people, the more likely you are to meet new friends.

12. Don't be too picky - keep your mind open when meeting new people. Often people can be a little shy or act differently in front of other people, so judging them too quickly can make you lose a new potential friend.

13. Be confident Tell yourself that you are a fun, interesting and valuable friend. Leave the house only with such confidence. You will see that as much as you appreciate and believe in yourself, other people will appreciate and believe in you.

14. Pick up a work colleague– perhaps you are embarrassed to invite a colleague to go somewhere. Take the opportunity to get a ride in your car to break the ice and get to know better.

15. Attend festivals, tournaments are great places to meet a lot of new people.

16. Join a Book Club– By visiting a book club, you will be able to connect with people on a deeper level, and you can discuss and share ideas.

17. Steal friends from friends Our friends tend to have their own friends. Why not make friends with friends of friends? More likely they probably have similar interests.

18. Participate in conferences There may be hundreds or even thousands of people there. This means that there will be many new people that you can meet and keep in touch with in the future.

19. Talk to strangers You never know what kind of people are passing around you. Who knows, maybe you will talk to someone who looks like you, is also looking for new friends, and maybe you even have mutual acquaintances. Try it, they shouldn't bite you.

20. Don't be afraid to introduce yourself.- if you go to various events and parties, but are afraid to introduce yourself, then, unfortunately, you will not meet many new friends.

21. Invite people and initiate meetings with people you don't know very well but would like to know better - it's easier to invite people you don't know that well to a party at your place than to invite them to go to a coffee shop.

22. Throw a party and invite everyone with an opportunity for everyone to bring one more friend (plus one)- there will be many new faces at such a party, and you will be known to them as the host. This will serve as an excuse for you to approach and meet strangers.

23. Look for common interests- if you find in a conversation with someone that you have the same interests, play on it! Ask if they'd like to join you in a hobby activity from time to time.

24. Keep in touch with new people you meet Don't forget to keep in touch with the people you meet. You may feel uncomfortable if you don't know them well enough, but just remember that some of them would like to be your friends.

25. Go out with just one friend and set a goal to meet someone new - when you're out with a group of people, you're less likely to meet new people. Being with only one friend makes it easy to chat and make friends with new people.

26. Participate in forums– there are many different forums that cover different topics and interests. If you are looking for people to connect with them on a deeper level, to share experiences, then a forum is a great place to start such a relationship. In the forum you will find like-minded people who think similarly and have tasks and goals similar to yours.

27. If you have kids, arrange for your kids to play get-togethers with other kids (and befriend their parents!) - Brilliant! This is one of the most thoughtful ways to make new friends, as you can secretly hide behind your child as an excuse to get to know each other.

28. Talk to as many people as possible- If you are at an event, party or anywhere else, use the opportunity to talk to a lot of people. There are thousands of people around you - your potential friends, but if you do not talk to them, you will never recognize them.

29. Know how to listen to others Don't just talk about yourself, listen and ask questions of others. The best way to make new friends is to show them that you are interested in them. The truth is that people are only interested in people who are interested in them.

Your turn…

Now it's up to you! You already have 29 super easy ways to make new friends.

Have you taken any of the ideas listed above into your personal arsenal? If yes, which ones? Or do you have any other ideas to add to this list? Share with us in the comments below...

Question: Hello! My name is Marina, I am 14 years old. Increasingly, I feel bad about my lack of friends. I try to be an optimist, I try to help my friends and strangers as much as I can. I have a best friend - a sister, but she lives in another city, we see each other 3-4 days a year, and you can’t talk much on the phone, because there are conversations that need to be conducted live. She will always support and reassure me, but sometimes I just need her to be there, and not at a distance.
Until the 6-7th grade, I thought that I had a lot of good friends and even had a best friend among my classmates. As a result, I had to endure betrayal and humiliation from this friend. Then I moved to another school and it all started with a clean face ... Among my current classmates, I could not find friends. We are too different, their views on life are wild to me, I do not like to gossip.
My classmates consider me a fool because I apologize if I feel guilty and at the same time I can stand up for another person, go against the class, I give change to grandmothers in transit (everyone considers this nonsense, they say that they are pretending, but I think that I help a person in this way, and if he really steals in this way, then it will already be on his conscience)
As for my “former” classmates, at first I tried to write to everyone on social networks “Hi! How are you?" kept up the conversation. Few answered me, almost no one wrote. I arrived at my old school and ... spent most of the day alone! The guys refused to go with me to the dining room for company, no one offered to sit with him at the same desk. Only the teachers were happy with me.
One more situation. I went with a friend for additional classes. I knew when her birthday was, she knew when mine was. I congratulated her and gave her a gift, once I even came to her house on purpose to give it. She didn't even congratulate me on the phone. It seems to be a trifle, but it's a shame.
Now I'm afraid to meet someone. All the same, a person will not care about me and my feelings. I will consider him a friend, but in the end it will turn out that he does not care about me. Loneliness is better than such fake friendship.
As a result, I cannot consult with any of my peers, chat about something with them, simply because I have no friends. Then I start talking to myself or to my dog. This makes me even more depressed. After all, this is wrong!
I beg you to help!

Answer:

Hello Marina!

How sad and insulting that you faced the betrayal of your best friend, and in the new class there were no people close in spirit. Such events are hard for both adults and young people. When this happens, there is a risk of withdrawing into yourself and stop believing in people.

And it's true that some people don't want to be friends, open up, invest in communication. But relationships develop as a result of investments from both sides, and if only one person invests, then this is a one-sided game. You can go your part of the way in order to meet a person, and whether he goes his part of the road is up to him.

Sometimes we are very lucky and we find ourselves in a team in which we feel like in a family, but this does not always happen. Not everywhere there are people who have similar views on life and friendship as ours. But this does not mean that such people do not exist at all. They're just somewhere else, or they need to be seen. And it's great that, despite such a difficult experience, you remain disposed towards people and make it clear that you are ready to be friends. This speaks of you as a strong and kind girl.

You write:

“Now I'm afraid to meet someone. All the same, a person will not care about me and my feelings. I will consider him a friend, but in the end it will turn out that he does not care about me. ”

I want to draw your attention to one interesting feature: it seems that you divide relationships with other people into only two categories. Either this is a real, not fake friendship, or “the person doesn’t give a damn about me.” And, most likely, if you understand that you cannot classify a person in the category of your friends, then you automatically classify him in the second category, you think that he does not care about you. Maybe in some cases this is true, but certainly not always.

And, when you begin to communicate with someone, you can take steps towards you from your side and, firstly, listen to yourself - how much you want to get closer, and, secondly, look closely at how the person reacts. If he also goes forward - great, if not, then he is comfortable with the distance in communication that exists at the moment. Such tactics in communication, in my opinion, can help you see the relationship for what it is, without overestimating or underestimating the degree of their closeness. How do you like this idea?

What is friendship

People react to this phenomenon in different ways. Someone has a hundred friends, and someone has none. There is even a category that considers friendship to be "a period of time between acquaintance and betrayal." Well, these are, rather, marginal persons who do not see around either goodness, or warmth, or love. In general, experts interpret friendship as a union of two or more people by common goals, interests, desires, etc. But there is one “But” - not everyone succeeds in maintaining friendly relations correctly.

Surely our readers are familiar with types leading an ascetic lifestyle. They do not attend birthday parties, and if they do visit, they sit in solitude, do not communicate with anyone. And their usual life goes on maximum in the family circle, but no more. There is no need to talk about friends, comrades, friends here. Why is this happening?

It's all about internal obstacles, barriers. They do not allow a person to take one step towards another and start a conversation. It is easier to avoid companies, retire alone and listen to music, watch TV. No, it cannot be said that they are not attracted to people. It's just that their inner qualities do not allow them to come and say "Hello, let's be friends!" Of course, we present the words of the ascetic in a very trivial form, but the meaning is still preserved.

Why can't I make friends

To do this, you need to identify the reasons due to which a person in every possible way avoids communicating with people, companies. Take a moment and ask yourself - why are you having problems? They may have started in childhood. After all, it is then that we first offer our friendship, whether in words, actions, behavior. Therefore, no matter how hard it is, it is important to find the origins of the problem, which could arise due to the following reasons:

Parents prohibit contact with other children. This often happens, especially if adults are obsessed with the fact that their child is smarter, better than others. That is, they nurture an egoist who considers himself "above" other children.

Appearance problems. There are such diseases because of which other children do not want to communicate with the child. These can be problems with the skin, hair, ugly appearance, bad speech, developmental defects and other phenomena. In this situation, the child is "driven into a corner." And he is forced to be alone almost all his life. At this age, complexes are formed and develop that violate the quality of life and leave an imprint forever.

social status. Wealth and, alas, begins to divide people from childhood. Of course, in our time it is difficult to imagine children from different social classes - poor and rich in the same garden. The maximum is possible at school, although such an institution can now be selected according to the size of the wallet.

But now we are talking not only about the future of our children, but also about the present of adult readers. And they, most likely, went to the same group, a class with the children of rich people. And if the poor were a minority, then it was hardly possible to cultivate friendly qualities in oneself. Such a child, as a rule, was rejected, expelled, not invited to general parties, discos, etc.

A child from a rich family could feel the same way if he was in a class with children from poor families. Envy, malice became the reason for his rejection from the general mass.

By turning over in your mind all the moments that may have contributed to your feeling of alienation, you can recover the key reasons for your situation. Perhaps there will be moments of fear, resentment, tears will roll in, a lump will form in the throat, you will want to stop the memories because of mental pain. But it's still useful. Until you restore the cause, it will be difficult to make friends.

The reason for the inability to make friends may be the severity of the recognition that a person is really lonely. How often do we encounter the fact that one of our acquaintances, friends does not show that it is bad for him to be alone. This is where pride plays a big role. Well, how can you admit that such a smart, beautiful and unique (unique) is not called in the company. And it's not about people, but about the person himself.

In your youth, you experienced pain and disappointment - you were betrayed by a friend or friends. Over the years, the feeling does not disappear. A person is afraid that he will have to experience the same pain, betrayal and disappointment again.

So, we decided with you that it is extremely necessary to find the cause. And if we manage to do this, then there is something to work on, right? This can be done both with professionals and on your own, if it is not so deep and does not pose a danger to the human psyche.

What do we want

Depending on how you answer this question, a solution will be found, that is, you will find a company “to your liking”. Or you will stumble upon the reverse process - once again you will be disappointed in people. So you need to be careful with your requests.

So, who is more interesting to you - a football fan or a big fan of nightclubs. First of all, you need to make a list of your preferences on a blank piece of paper. For example, you cannot live a day without watching a soap opera, a TV series. Here a friend (girlfriend) will suit you, who will gladly share this period of time in a day with you. Or, she will share with you in detail her opinion about why she likes Juan Carlo more than Riccardo, etc.

So, the list has been drawn up, now you can start selecting, no matter how cynical it may sound, the company. By the way, this is how elderly pensioners choose their girlfriends. Sitting on a bench near the house, they first communicate and from the total number of women, they choose the one with which they are most interested. Surely our readers paid attention to the fact that a group of grandmothers near the house on a bench is gradually divided into pairs, three people maximum, who walk in the park and communicate more closely separately from everyone.

As for young faces, look at whether your future friend will go on a trip with you, relax by the river, read the same books and get involved in politics, etc. That is, he will share your hobbies and interests. And most importantly - can you rely on this person in difficult times? Will he come to your aid?

Let go of the situation

Well, you have decided on your preferences in friendship - what's next? Nothing, let go of the situation, forget about everything. Nature, if you want the Universe, will do everything for you. And to put it simply, when making a list, you have already programmed your behavior, manners in order to attract the attention of those who suit your interests and life positions.

The main thing is to be yourself and not play. And the one who can really become your bosom friend will find you himself. That is, the rule of Nature works - “Like attracts like”, it is only important to wish.

How many friends should a person have

Remember the well-known proverb "Do not have a hundred rubles, but have a hundred friends." Once upon a time, it really mattered. There was no such admiration for wealth, philistinism. But now things are a little different, making a true friend is quite difficult. Moreover, open and honest friendship is now even more relevant. In such difficult times, support is needed.

But - how many friends should a normal person have? After all, one can enjoy having one or two friends, while the other’s contacts section on the phone is simply full of friends’ numbers, and every day he calls them up, then meets and spends time together, etc.

The question of the number of friends did not leave experienced psychologists alone. They also puzzled for a long time over whether it is normal to have a hundred friends or is it not friendship, but something else that has nothing to do with a sincere relationship? Large-scale studies have been conducted that have shown that everything depends on age. That is, depending on how old you are, a greater or lesser need for friends is formed.

As it turns out, we need friends the most in our young and old years. And in the first and second cases, we are afraid of losing contacts, communication. In the first case, young people are not yet protected from life circumstances and guidelines, so we hold on to friendship with "two hands." Persons in old age are no longer able to make more and more new acquaintances. Therefore, they hold on tightly to those who are close to them and do not want to lose bosom friends. In both moments, it’s hard to be without friends - only they can lend their shoulder, give valuable advice, or simply be around.

Another large-scale study was conducted by Finnish psychologists and sociologists. As it turns out, our brains can cover about 150 of our friends. At the same time, he fixes not only long-term strong, active friendly relations, but also fleeting contacts. All other meetings simply drop out of our social circle.

Experts studied in detail what contacts indicate close friendship. This was determined by SMS messages, phone calls.

The top five are those with whom we communicate every day, or even several times a day. As a rule, these are our relatives, close ones, and a couple of closest friends.

Next come the comrades with whom we communicate several times a week. There are approximately 15 of them. Further, those with whom each of us communicates from case to case were identified. There are no more than 120 people, called the outer circle of acquaintances and communication.

That is, based on the above, you can understand that everyone can have up to 150 friends and this is quite normal. He's just sociable and communicative. With someone we communicate more closely, but with others we sometimes see each other and do not maintain constant contact. It's up to you to decide how many friends you can make. It all depends on your character, behavior, habits and interests.

Important: psychologists and sociologists recommend having up to 12 friends with whom you need to maintain strong relationships without fail. So there will be confidence that you will not be left alone in your problems and. Feel like a truly happy person who has found harmony with the outside world. And how to do this - we will study further.

How to build a strong and sincere friendship

So, each of us has a lot of acquaintances, but there are not so many friends among them. In order not to lose contacts and build a truly strong, sincere and lasting friendship, you must adhere to the following recommendations from experienced sociologists and psychologists.

1. Treat the choice of friends wisely and responsibly. It is impossible to be a friend to everyone - this is not normal. Is that not to conflict with anyone - that's another matter. True friends are those who wish you well, do not pull "to the bottom", support in everything, and if necessary, they criticize, put on the true, treat with respect.
2. Know how to listen to your friend, and try to delve into everything he says. If you misunderstood something, ask again, clarify the moment. Your non-verbal and verbal signals - nodding your head, gestures, facial expressions - can make it clear that you need a clearer presentation of thoughts.
3. Never "blur" with your tongue, but think about what you say. You should especially control your words, emotions in an angry, angry state. Sometimes it is enough to remain silent before a phrase for just a minute and what is said does not hurt a person so much. If you are not restrained, you risk losing your relationship with someone who has supported you over the years.
4. Don't impose your opinion. You can give advice, but if you feel that you are interfering in the life of another person without his demand, stop. The maximum that you can do in difficult life situations for a friend is to write a letter, a message with support, or say it in words.
5. Do not teach anyone to live, everyone must make independent decisions. All that is needed from you is words of support and unobtrusive advice.
6. Do not play, friends are too sensitive to insincere relationships. As soon as a person feels that someone wants to outplay him, deceive him, he is immediately disappointed and ends the relationship.
7. Don't pretend. Be sincere in relationships, do not try to please everyone, giving up your opinions, views, interests.
8. Be honest and open. Communication with a friend should be built on trust. Never refuse the help of a friend and offer him your participation in his problems. If difficult situations arise, solve them together with bosom friends.
9. Accept your friends for who they are. Do not try to change the person who accepts you with all your shortcomings. Try to rein in your ambitions and accept your friends with all their "flaws" and oddities.
10. Treat their choice with respect. No one is saying that you should listen to your friend with an "open mouth" and agree with him on everything. If he is going to do something wrong, obviously bad - stop him, but carefully. It does not help - let him do as he wants - everyone learns from his mistakes. Each of us has our own life, and no matter how close and sincere friendship may be, everyone has their own interests.
11. Be an example in friendship. That is, show those qualities that you would like to see from your friends. So you can attract the maximum number of not only friends, but also well-wishers.
12. Sensibility is important. Listening to your friend, delving into the history of his actions and deeds, try to put yourself in his place and understand how you would act. This way you will be able to better understand what drives your friend.
13. Reward your friends. Each of us periodically needs recognition, praise, compliments, friends are no exception. If you have done something pleasant for you or have achieved some kind of success - praise him, admire his exploits out loud.
14. Be grateful to your friends for everything they do for you. And even for the fact that they keep friendly relations with you. Show your gratitude with messages, cards, presents, surprises, etc.
15. Admit your guilt and never be afraid to apologize for the wrong things. It is very important to understand that you are doing something wrong, thanks to which you will not only maintain a strong friendship, but also earn respect. In addition, "hack on the nose" and you will know how not to act in the future.
16. Learn to forgive. Your friend did something wrong and regrets it. Imagine that you can be in his place, so if a person sincerely regrets what happened.
17. Forget the bad. Negative stories associated with friends are the ballast that drags relationships down. You have already experienced all this, so it makes no sense to remember what hurts, hurts, creates an unpleasant aftertaste.
18. Always make time for your friends. No, you do not need to completely drown in friendly entertainment if there is a wife, children, parents at home who need to communicate with you. Just keep in touch from time to time, find time for meetings and communication. Let them know that contact with them is important to you, you miss them and are ready to help at any moment if you need it. As a last resort, with a tight work schedule, write them messages, contact them in chats and share new events in your life, the lives of children.
19. Do yours. And if you can't keep your word, don't give it. Otherwise, it will become a habit and you will be considered a banal "trash" who only does what he talks in vain. Even if you fail, admit it. Make it clear that you did everything in your power, but it did not work out.
20. Always do what pleases not only you, but also your friends. Friendship implies shared interests and hobbies. If you pull the blanket over yourself and force a friend to do only what you like, he will be disappointed, he will get bored with everything, and he will stop communicating with you.
21. Take new steps, visit newly opened places together, in the company of friends. For example, a new cafe has opened in your area, why don't you spend time there with the friends you cherish. Pleasant impressions received together strengthen friendship.
22. Any phenomenon can fall into a period of stagnation, friendship is no exception. It also needs to be periodically “warmed up” and the best way to do this is to have fun. Stop gathering just to complain about life and whine. Shake yourself up - arrange a feast (without alcohol), go out of town and relax by the river, in the forest, go fishing, fry kebabs, fish, sausages. It doesn't matter what you do, as long as everyone has fun.
23. Don't pull the blanket over yourself, don't be selfish. You can't build friendships just to satisfy your own needs. Remember the interpretation - friendship is a community of interests and goals of two or more people, and not one. It is necessary not only to take, but also to give, only in this way will honest, open and trusting relationships be built.
24. Relations with a friend should be equally responsible. For example, if you live in different cities, take turns visiting each other. It is impossible for the whole process of relations to be supported by only one side. If there is a misunderstanding in contacts, a conflict is brewing, all parties should also work on restoring relations.
25. A close friend has a trouble, a nuisance, a problem - you should be his main fan. It is not a fact that he is right in everything, he needs to tell his opinion separately. And against the general background, do not betray a friend and fully support him.
26. As friendships grow, such trusting ties will surely arise between you that you will share the most intimate. Keep your friend's secrets private and don't let him down with your chatter. Otherwise, you will quite rightly be known as a "traitor" and a gossip.
27. Don't hold on to friendships that don't last. It happens that close friendships come to a conclusion. It's okay - let the person go, perhaps his outlook on life has changed and his goals do not coincide with yours. Everyone changes, you won't always be the same person either. Changes in relationships are also good for you. New acquaintances will begin, new friends will appear with completely different ideas about the meaning of being than your old friend.

And finally, the most important and universal advice - treat your friendship and friend the way you would like to be treated. And this means that each of us has the right to respect, attention, praise and support. Do not lose touch with those who are ready to quit their business at any moment and come to your aid. Believe me, such friendship in our time is at a very high price.

Old friends are like your favorite jeans. They are reliable and undemanding. They are always there, but unobtrusive. They are patched in places, but still perfect. We've known them for so long that it seems like they've always been around. But life is such that over time, people's paths diverge, and when old friends begin to appear less and less in your life, the question is: how to find friends with whom you do not know yet, but who will become a great company at the current stage of your life.

Five reasons to make new friends

Strong friendship is a great value that must be preserved and cherished. Of the entire social circle, only old friends are ready to accept you as you are, with all the advantages and disadvantages, and do not require anything in return. Throughout our lives, we may have dozens or even hundreds of acquaintances, but there are always only a few really close friends. And these relationships are usually enough. Having a couple of proven friends is so convenient that many do not even have a desire to make new friendly acquaintances. Sometimes it even frightens, and it is quite justified, because it is difficult to let a new, outsider into your personal, intimate experiences. Very often, friendships begin in childhood and last throughout life.

This is great! But there are several reasons why you should expand your social circle and find new friends (of course, without parting with old ones):

• Each new friend is a new social circle, and, as a result, an opportunity to find even more new friends, and, therefore, new opportunities.

• Communication with new people is usually more difficult than with old acquaintances. It makes you leave your comfort zone for a while, and although this may not seem like the best effect, it will bring big dividends later. After all, as you know, a person actively develops only when he goes through something new and unusual.

I hope you agree that making new friends is great? If so, here are ten ways to make friends. Note that they all require effort, because friends do not just fall from the sky. But, as we found out, it's worth it!

Ten Ways to Make New Friends and Keep Old Friends

I have a proven method - I wrote about it in this article:.

Ten more ways-theses how to find friends for you to think about:

• Before looking for friends, you should think a little and understand what you would most like to get from this friendship? Do you need a colleague with whom you can share your work joys and solve problems? Or a partner who shares your hobby or trains with you? Or do you just want to meet someone sociable that will expand your circle of acquaintances? There are many options, but it’s still worth deciding right away so as not to waste time trying to find friends not where they might be.

• The most obvious way is to look for friends in their habitats. Interest groups and clubs, organizations related to your hobby are at your disposal. Even for the most shy, communication on forums and in groups on social networks is a good way. Look for people discussing an interesting topic and join.

• Learn the art of conversation, and you will always easily join any company. For someone, chatting about everything in the world is as natural as breathing, and some in an unfamiliar company cannot even squeeze out a word. And at the same time, they lose not only the opportunity to attract attention to themselves (maybe they don’t need it), but also to find points of contact with others. There is nothing wrong with communication. To find friends, ask questions, be sincerely interested in the interlocutor during the conversation, without being distracted by anything else. If you are communicating with a stranger, then mention your name several times and, possibly, other important information that he will remember and later associate with you. And in any conversation, try to get the contacts of the interlocutor - phone, VK, e-mail, anything else, in order to be able to continue communication in the future.

• Use every opportunity to expand your circle of acquaintances. If you came to a party, then do not limit yourself to communicating only with your company. Approach someone, introduce yourself, strike up a conversation, even if it’s “about the weather.” Be a sincere storyteller and an attentive listener, and this conversation can be the first step towards a further strong friendship.

• Be the initiator. If you have met someone, then at the first opportunity invite him to meet and continue communication. It can be lunch in a cafe or a trip to the cinema or to the stadium. Recall what common interests you have and how you can use it. If a newcomer has come to your team, then invite him for tea. If you're on a train, get to know and interact with your fellow travelers instead of snoring calmly on the top bunk. Many people are simply embarrassed to be the first to start a conversation, so feel free to take the initiative - this will only make it better.

• Make friends with your neighbors. Often the strongest friendship begins on the landing. Of course, figuratively speaking. And the surprising thing is that many people simply do not know anything about their neighbors. Always be friendly and responsive, invite for tea, offer help - and sooner or later this attitude will serve you well. Whatever one may say, neighbors are people very close to you, even if only geographically :)

• If you have friends on the Internet, then try to make virtual communication a reality. Let your friend live in another city, you can invite him to visit or offer to meet, being in his area passing through. The strongest friendship is tied up in reality, face to face, and not through a faceless ICQ window. And remember that for the first time such meetings are best held in a public, crowded place, this will alleviate some embarrassment and be easier for both of you.

• Maintain friendship. Once you start a relationship, maintain it, not forgetting about a new acquaintance. Call or write to find out how his work is progressing, if you mentioned it at the meeting. Not a job means a family, a car, something else ... I'm sure you will find a topic. If you need a reason to call, then he is always with you - this is a good mood. "Today is a great day, and I just thought - let's call my good friend." Do not be afraid to seem intrusive, people are usually pleased with the interest in their person. And even better to help a person in something, if you have such an opportunity.

• Remember to be polite and respectful. Of course, real friends can always drop by at half past five in the morning and brazenly demand coffee :) But still, don’t think that if a person calls you his friend, then this is a reason to forget about good manners and politeness. Be open and honest, don't gossip about your friends, don't tell their secrets, and don't lie to them. Be grateful to your friends, and their number will only grow.

• If you and a friend have not shared something, then do not go on principle and take the first step towards reconciliation. Earning the trust and respect of another person is very difficult, but destroying a friendship is easier than it might seem. Therefore, never delay reconciliation with friends until they have led to a complete break in friendships. Take care of friendship, and if you are often angry with a friend and do not want to see him, then try to cool down and finally decide how important this friendship is to you.

If you have a new friend, then introduce him to the others. You have every opportunity to weave a beautiful pattern in which the connections between your friends will be the connecting threads. And the larger your social circle, the more beautiful and brighter this pattern will be, and with it your life! I hope I answered your question about how to find friends.

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